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Having “The Talk” with Your Aging Parent: Conversation Starters
How to Prevent Caregiver Theft
April 22, 2015Is Your First Aid Kit Stocked for Senior Emergencies?
June 9, 2015Even if you know that it’s time to have “the talk” with your aging parents, it’s tough to bring up such a delicate subject.
- Will they become angry? “You can’t tell me what to do!”
- Will they be offended? “I can take care of myself.”
- Will they be scared? “I don’t want to leave my home.”
- Will they be dismissive? “I’m not that old.”
Empathy is your best approach. Below, we’ve offered three ideas to get the conversation started without striking a nerve. We designed these tips to create a low-pressure opening. Start small. Do not launch directly into an extensive planning session. Test the waters with indirect questions, listen and adjust based on their reactions.
However, before you begin, are you the best person to start the conversation? Does one of your siblings have better luck getting them to “open up?” You might be able to enlist a trusted family friend. Share this list and get started as soon as you can. It’s always better to talk before a crisis raises the emotional level of everyone involved.
Conversation Starter #1
Talk about a friend or family member who has similar challenges
Perhaps your parent’s long-time friend recently had a fall in the home. Ask how he/she is doing. What are the implications of the accident in terms of their mobility and independence? Does your friend have help? Has your friend made modifications to their home because of the fall? This is an opportunity to broach the topic without it being about them specifically. This can reduce a sense of pressure, especially for seniors who are sensitive to the topic of aging.
Conversation Starter #2
Open with admiration for their retirement planning and ask for advice
It’s important for your parent not to feel as though a role reversal is taking place, even if it is to some extent. Treat them with respect, as you would with any conversation. As your parent discusses how they planned for a comfortable retirement, shift toward the future. What comes next? Ask questions from your perspective so you and your parent can discuss the topic together, not just for them.
Conversation Starter #3
Commiserate on growing old
You can joke about realizing that you don’t have as much energy as you used to – and ask, “How do you keep up with the house? I have trouble getting it all done.” or “It’s tough lugging in all those groceries, isn’t it?” There are plenty of openers when it comes to housekeeping. A conversation starting with empathy will obviously get you much further than something like, “Boy, your living room is full of dust!”
If you find that your parent is open to the idea of an in-home caregiver, contact us to learn more. We provide customized plans based on your loved one’s specific needs.
